Day 7: Reconnect with an Old Friend

Editor’s note: I have taken on more than I can currently handle, trying to write a post everyday.  For the remainder of the challenge I will be posting 2 tasks per week.  This will allow us more time to complete each task and allow me more time to write each post. This was taken from 30 Days to a Better Man by Brett and Kate McKay and formatted to fit the challenge.

When I read this challenge post at the Art of Manliness I realized that I have not read many books containing great women friendships. Books about girls who lie and manipulate and steal boyfriends, yes, but for a book about true friendship, I really had to search.  Then I remembered The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series that I read back in High School.  I know the idea of four girls who find a magical pair of pants that fits and looks great on all of them, despite their size differences, is a little silly, but these books captured the essence of great women friendships.

In the first book the four girls all went their separate ways, but they stayed in touch through phone calls, emails and letters.  They didn’t depend on Facebook or Twitter to stay updated on each others lives.  When one of them needed the others, they were all there right away, even if they were mad at each other.  These girls went through boyfriends, break-ups, death, and distance and remained friends through it all, because even in their busy lives they knew what was important – staying in touch with the ones you love.

I have learned how important communication can be in a friendship.  About three  years ago I volunteered at a summer camp in Colorado for a month. Over scrubbing toilets, pulling pranks, and dressing up like movie stars I garnered a close friendship with a girl named Natalie. Though she lives several states away, we’ve managed to remain friends since then, by writing letters and alternating visits.  In fact, it’s been a while since my last letter, but today I’ll fix that by….Reconnecting with an Old Friend.

Our Crumbling Connections

We are isolated more than ever before. According to a study conducted by the American Sociological Review in 2006, over the past two decades, the number of confidantes Americans feel comfortable discussing important matters with has shrunk by a third. 25% of the study’s respondents said they had no one with whom they felt comfortable discussing important matters, more than double the percentage who felt that way 20 years ago. And 20% said they had only one person with which to do so. The greatest drop in confidantes occurred in non-familial relations. Or in other words, our friends.

What a lamentable state of things. Can we get by without any friends? Surely. But can friends enrich our lives and make us happier? Most definitely. There’s something invaluable about knowing that you are not alone in the world. That no matter what, there’s a woman out there who you absolutely know has your back. A friend that would come to your side if you were beset with a crisis.

From The Art (and Science) of Women\’s Friendship, by Jeffrey Zaslow “Close friendships – even more than close family ties – help prolong women’s lives. For women, old friends are like traveling   companions, hitting the same milestones together – 30, 40, 50, 80. A host of studies show that having a close group of friends helps women sleep better, improve their immune systems, stave off dementia and actually live longer. In fact, researchers say a woman who wants to be healthier in her old age is better off having one close friend than a half-dozen grandchildren.”

So why are we becoming more isolated, when having friends is what we need? Busyness is our favorite excuse for why we can’t make time for the good things in life.  We labor under the belief that watching Lost is an adequate substitution for friendship and that checking a buddy’s Facebook update is equivalent to catching up with her.

It’s amazing that with the proliferation of time-saving devices these days, we feel busier then ever. Yet, it’s all relative. We’re not busier than ever. And if we feel that way, it’s because we aren’t prioritizing the right kinds of things in our lives. And that’s going to change this month, starting with today’s task.

Day 7: Reconnect With an Old Friend

It’s not easy to stay friends with someone for many years. We make close friendships and then often go our separate ways, whether for college or a career.  Sometimes you stay in the same place but take up different activities and become so busy that you just drift apart. The important thing is that if the relationship is important to you, make the effort to stay in touch. Thomas Jefferson and John Adams were apart from each other for 14 years, yet they kept their friendship alive by writing 158 letters to each other.

If it’s someone you’ve had a falling out with, but wish you were friends again, I ask you to reach out and try.  A few months ago I decided to try to reconnect with an old friend with whom things had ended badly.  I gathered my courage and sent her an email which explained how bad I felt, why I did the things I did, and let her know that there were no hard feelings from me and that I missed her.  I’m so happy that I did it because it led to me having one of my closest old friends to help me through a terrible break-up, and to have a good time with.

So your task today is to reconnect with a friend, either by letter, phone, or email. Wild dogs shall be released upon any woman who attempts to complete this task via Twitter.

I highly recommend the letter option myself. I personally don’t like talking on the phone. Letter writing is an excellent tradition to begin with your buddy, and unlike an email, it begs an answer and will almost certainly not be ignored.

This is not a task to arrange a hang out with your friend (that will come up later, rest assured); you need only to shoot the shiz and catch up on old times.